Why you might want to get high around the holidays.

Difficulties navigating sobriety during the holidays is actually normal

By: WILLA ODEFEY

Nov. 21, 2024

*This piece uses the word addict to refer to people who self-describe as such. This in no way is meant to label or offend others who identify themselves under other terms.*

The holidays can be a time of stress and emotional turmoil for many people, regardless of whether or not you struggle with substance use. With the idea of ‘a time of comfort and joy’ there is a pressure to keep up cheerful spirits. For some, spending time with family may bring up nostalgia for times past and people lost.

Nearly nine in ten adults in the United States experience stress during the holidays, according to a 2023 survey by the American Psychological Association (APA) Forty-one percent report that their stress is higher during the holidays than any other time during the year. While the survey shows that financial issues are the largest cause of stress, food and alcohol related struggles, experiencing or anticipating family conflict, and missing loved ones are also high on the list.

For people in recovery from addiction or other substance use issues, these stressors can lead to relapse.

Rehabilitation centers’ readmission rates jump from around 25% to 60% during the month or so between Thanksgiving and a week after New Years, according to Agape Recovery, a recovery and sober living organization in Atlanta, Georgia. The Center for Network Therapy estimates that drug and alcohol relapse rates are 150% more frequent.

Given the risk of relapse associated with this time of year, I conducted a survey asking recovering addicts how they cope during the holidays. The responses resoundingly affirmed that the holidays are indeed a particularly fragile time for people trying to maintain sobriety.

“I have a difficult time during the holiday season due to many factors, and one of them can be addiction issues,” wrote Daryl O. “I have a pretty good recovery going but it's likely not a coincidence that my last relapse occurred during the holiday season.”

“In my period of peak use family time could be challenging, so solitude and drinking were a go to response,” wrote Michael B.

Nostalgia's role in holiday stress

The holidays are full of nostalgia. But not all of it is positive. Coming home for the holidays can trigger a flood of emotion connected to childhood memories.

And then the reminders of the turmoil that unfolded in that same place. Family fights, sneaking around, guilt, shame…

Your inner child has a seat at the table

Psychotherapist Eve-Marie Elkin, who has years of experience helping her clients navigate family systems and the trauma they can cause lays out the unique challenges the holidays create for people in recovery.

When you return home for the holidays, the dynamic from years past reemerges, she said. The holiday table is a perfect metaphor. When you sit down with your family for a meal that has carried significance as a marker of time for years, you sit with yourself and your family members from all those years. You are put back into the family role that caused you difficulty– whether you were the “bad” one or the rock– you are expected to reenact that role. You may regress into your hurt inner child and lose sight of the independence and distance you have grown over the years.

This phenomenon can be intensely triggering and is the perfect situation for old feelings of shame and fear to resurface, as well as for old family tensions, fights, and misunderstandings to replay themselves.

This negative pressure is especially difficult if you are dealing with external challenges, and can affirm negative feelings towards yourself. It is also complicated for people who have otherwise been able to distance themselves from this family dynamic. For people who have struggled with addiction, the discomfort and angst of this make-shift time warp can lead to intense cravings to use and in some cases relapse.

Not to mention the alcohol

The holidays are also a time of intense alcohol consumption.

Americans consume far more alcohol between Thanksgiving and the New Year than any other time during the year. A survey by the American Psychological Association (APA) found that the average American drinks 27% more during the holidays than they would during the rest of the year. The Distilled Spirits Council has reported that quarter of the industry’s profits are made in the weeks between Thanksgiving and the New Years.

Normalization of binge-drinking can be especially challenging for those maintaining sobriety from alcohol.

Many respondents to my survey attributed their stress to family dynamics, but a second common problem was being around people indulging in the substances they were trying to avoid.

“Being around family members drinking for extended periods of time can be exhausting and can test my sobriety,” Amanda, a respondent to my survey, said. “Mostly, it gets obnoxious and I need to make sure to give myself breaks when I can.”

Setting boundaries and giving yourself a break from any challenging atmosphere is a key way to survive the holidays.

“Boundaries need regular maintenance,” said Nurse leader and CEO of The Brooks Group Beth A. Brooks. “Having poor or unhealthy boundaries leads to stress.”

reminds us that

Brooks recommends taking a walk around the block (try using taking the dog for a walk as an excuse, if you need one), listening to a song you resonate with, and accepting that it’s ok to say “no” to things you do not want to do.

It’s ok to take boundaries all the way

If need be, take a break from the year’s holidays altogether.

Grief expert David Kessler and Angie, another participant in my survey both agree that it is ok to be ‘selfish’ and refrain from holiday celebrations. Kessler runs a website that talks about grief and how to navigate it. He says many friends and families have high expectations for how the holidays should look, but aren’t sure how to support someone in recovery. As a result, gatherings can be uncomfortable and handle. In some cases, the best thing to do may be to skip the holiday celebrations altogether.

“It’s not selfish to take care of yourself first,” wrote Angie in response to my survey.“You can’t take care of others or show up for them the way they want you to if you don’t take care of yourself first. Sometimes this can mean temporarily disappointing them by taking a break from the holidays for a year.”